Meeting Stan and Denise Smart
When you have a child who is missing, you are instantly enrolled in the world's most undesirable club. I am from Charlotte, NC and a young woman named Kristen Modafferi from Charlotte was abducted while on vacation in the San Francisco Bay area in June, 1997. I became very close to Bob and Debbie Modafferi and got personally involved with looking for Kristen. Kristen still has not been found and you can see her story at www.ModLink.com.
Kristen has quickly risen to become one of the most important people in my life.
I don't know exactly how, but somewhere along the line the Modaferri's got a chance to meet Stan and Denise. The Modafferi's were 3,000 miles away on the east coast and I would call them each night to give them a progress report on what I was doing on that particular day in my attempts to find their daughter during my time in the Bay area.
The Modafferi's got a letter from a parent whose own daughter got caught up in the Rainbow Club, a 60's hippie culture club on which outsiders automatically slap the label of "cult." In any case, this gentleman who wrote the letter said that his daughter ran off with this group and he had a hell of a time getting her away from them. He suggested to the Modafferi's that it couldn't hurt to have this group checked out.
As it turned out, the leader of the group was having some type of function in Golden Gate Park near the beach at the same time we know for a fact that Kristen Modafferi was in the area.. It made sense to us at the time to check it out.
There was no way in the world that investigators would check this lead out so after talking it over, the Modafferi's asked me to please look into it.
It turned out that they were having one of their annual meetings in Wilcox, AZ and I got in my van and made the long drive to the meeting.
As I was leaving San Francisco, Debbie, Kristen's mom, thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself to Stan and Denise. They are from Stockton, Ca and I would be going right through Stockton on my way to Arizona.
Denise Smart
So I got the number and called Denise to introduce myself. She made it abundantly clear from the first words out of her mouth that she appreciated what I was doing for the Modafferi's and that I was always welcome in her home.
The Smarts live in Stockton, Ca, which is exit 5 off of I-5 located about a 90 minute drive east of the Bay Area. As I approached her home, I remember thinking to myself, "Geez, what am I going to say to this woman"?
Both parents are educators. Stan is the Principal of Napa Valley High School in Napa, California and Denise teaches at the state university. They met in 1963 and have been married twenty six years. Kristin came into the world on Feb 20th, 1978; their son, Matt, was dropped off by the stork two years later, and Lindsey completed the family portrait in 1984.
Many people have said to me over the years, "I wanted to say hello to the parents but I didn't approach them because I didn't know what to say." Believe me, just walk up and introduce yourself. To the parents, just knowing that people are thinking about their child is a blessing from Heaven. They need to know of your concern; it helps them deal with the sorrow that saturates their bones.
Denise, as I said earlier, was very friendly right from the word go. I remember one of my first conversations with her. She had paged me while I was in San Francisco. This was maybe the second or third time I have ever spoken with Denise. I remember standing in a phone booth outside the Video Cafe on Geary Street when I returned her page.
She was calling to invite me to her home and showed a great deal of interest in Kristen Modafferi. I remember thinking that even with the loss of her own daughter, she still found room in her heart to ache for the Modafferi's
Denise went out of her way to make sure I understood the value I represented to the Modafferi's and to this day I remember those words very clearly and they sustain me for this unfortunate marathon we are currently faced with.
So anyway, now I am inside the Smart's home and for the second time in less than 6 months I am sitting across the kitchen table from a parent who doesn't know where her child is.
Unless you have been there, it is very hard to explain the scene. What strikes me most is that I half expected Denise to be rolled up like a ball in the corner of the room crying her eyes out. However, it just isn't that way. You can clearly see the sadness in her eyes, but you also get a sense that this woman standing before you will certainly die a thousand deaths before she ever quits on her daughter.
I am trying to think of the right words to write here to accurately give you a sense of who Denise is. The one thing that keeps coming to mind is "patient".
This demands an explanation.
Believe me, when your child is missing, the last characteristic in the world to describe a parent is "patient." The initial days are just a whirlwind of scalding panic followed by doctor prescribed medication to calm you down.
After the initial few weeks you go out of your mind and your friends need to be there to carry the very heavy water. As time goes on, you are completely insane because your child is missing and now the investigation slows to a steady, methodical pace.
You begin to hear, "We'll check on that tomorrow" all the time. Tomorrow is nonsense to a parent, let's check this out yesterday. However, things don't work that way in the real world. The reality is that total control gets transferred to the law enforcement investigators and unfortunately they were probably understaffed the day your child disappeared.
Investigators naturally keep information close to the vest and for the most part, they share little or nothing of real value with family members. So Denise and Stan find themselves in the crazy position of having to trust the investigators without really knowing what type of effort or progress is being made.
This is touchy, always has been and always will be. Investigators are human beings. Whether they are the FBI, Police, Sheriff, or CalPoly security. It doesn't matter, they are first and foremost human beings. That being the case, human nature dictates that regardless of what is going on behind the scenes, out front they are going to assure the family that their daughter is receiving "world class" investigative services.
Denise has told me that an entire year has gone by without receiving a single phone call from the San Luis Obispo sheriff's office.
For Stan and Denise however, the whole world is riding on the work ethic of the investigators. They remain faithful as they can be because they have to.
So Denise trods through her days always with Kristin on her mind. The one beaming bright ray of light in her life are her other two children, Matt and Lindsey. This is not a "suck-up" line about children. Sure, every parent loves their children, but fortunately in Stan and Denise's case, Matt
and Lindsey are very, very, fine young adults who continue to be a source of deep pride and happiness for Denise and Stan to hold onto.
They both are in college and both are world class swimmers. I am a little foggy on this, but I know they travel around the country and compete in the elite swimming competitions. They both had terrible timing two years ago when they went to the Olympic trials...both of them caught the flu and did not swim their best times at trials.
Interruption,
Arroyo Grande Police just showed up again. By now they are getting to know my name and modus operandi pretty well. The officer was very sympathetic but did ask that I consider the wisdom of sitting right in front of the Flores residence.
"You are a cause for concern to the Flores family and you need to consider what actions they may take with you sitting right if front of their home."
"You mean I might get shot, don't you?"
He knowingly looked at me and said, "Or something else. Accidents do happen all the time. One person is already dead, what's one more?"
He recommended that I park a few feet away from their home but that would clearly be counter productive. "No thank you. I plan on staying right here, right square in front of their home. I will be here a lot in the coming months."
He ended the interviewing by saying that we had a mutual understanding.
Arroyo Grande police would prefer that I not do this but that at the
same time I was legally allowed to do so.
The officer politely said goodbye and drove off.
Stan Smart
I spend a lot of time speaking about Denise. This is because Stan is away most of the time working his job as principal of Napa Valley. Stan and Denise share a loving marriage. The thing is, Stan's job and career took him away from Stockton to Napa. He spends the weekdays in Napa and is back at his home in Stockton on weekends and while school is out of session.
I had the chance to drive up to Napa in 2000 and meet with Stan at the high school. During my school years, I have made my share of trips to the principal's office, but this was different.
Stan is a big guy, yet with a soft spoken demeanor. I remember Denise once telling me that in the months after Kristin disappeared, Stan would work all week to provide for his family and then get in his car and make the 5 hour drive down to San Luis Obispo. He would literally walk the campus and any possible route that Kristin may have taken.
I have made the drive myself and it wears you out. When Stan got out of his car in San Luis Obispo, his work was just beginning. It must have been brutal.
When I was in his office at the high school, I felt I was in the presence of someone who already has done 20 times more than I ever dreamed of doing and he was not yet successful. All he wants is his daughter home... I am getting mad even as I write these words.
I have learned that Stan has been very thorough and he has put the time and detail into this investigation. I say this because sometimes there is a tendency for people (like myself) to think they can come into the picture and really shake things up. Believe me, Stan has already shaken every tree imaginable.
Like his wonderful wife, Stan also speaks with a measured tone of "patience." I just cannot imagine all the anguish that lies beneath his calm demeanor.
I don't want to pretend that I know Stan as well as I do Denise. I just know that he really has done a ton of work trying to find his daughter.
The problem is that the Flores did an excellent job in hiding Kristin. They are getting away with it so far.
So far.